{"id":479,"date":"2020-09-27T08:40:00","date_gmt":"2020-09-27T13:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stillwaterscounsel.com\/?p=479"},"modified":"2025-01-22T07:28:27","modified_gmt":"2025-01-22T15:28:27","slug":"relationship-killers-and-how-to-spot-them-part-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stillwaterscounsel.com\/es\/posts\/relationship-killers-and-how-to-spot-them-part-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationship \u201cKillers\u201d and How to Spot Them Part 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the final part of a four-part series on relationships, vulnerability, and authenticity.<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

People are often unaware of their actions and don\u2019t think about the consequences until it is too late. Seemingly harmless actions and arguments can seriously jeopardize your relationship. So, because you care about your relationship, you must \u200bkeep an eye out for warning signs to save yourself and your partner from a downfall.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n

Dr. John Gottman<\/a> discovered four negative behaviors, or \u200b\u201cThe Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse<\/a>\u201d<\/em>\u200b, that can spell disaster for any relationship. Learn what they are and how to avoid them:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1.Criticism<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Criticism is the first warning sign in a relationship but it rarely comes alone. It usually brings the other three riders with it: contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. For that reason, it represents \u200ba trigger that starts turbulence in the relationship. Frequent criticism stemming from anger or frustration is often perceived as an attack on the partner. Well-intended criticism is seen as a feature of emotionally intelligent behavior, while criticism stemming from anger or frustration causes a person to feel ashamed, weak, and belittled. This can lead to taking a defensive stance, so the argument continues and flares up instead of calming down. The best way to handle criticism is to \u200bdecide whether the critic is constructive or destructive, then act \u200bconstructively<\/em>\u200b upon it, and respond calmly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2.Contempt<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Constant criticism and contempt are signs of conflict. \u200bContempt is an extremely destructive emotion and often accompanies the criticism of someone\u2019s personality. Although the occasional expression of contempt will not endanger the relationship, the \u200bconstant experience of contempt can lead to the development of \u200bseveral mental health problems of the partners, as well as to the end of the relationship. The attacked partner is likely to respond to this with a fight or flight reaction. If the partner strikes back verbally, the argument could end in an argument and shouting. However, retreating is not always the best choice, if it means radio silence. Stubbornness sends a strong message that contains distancing, superiority, and dislike. Ongoing stubbornness often occurs in couples who are about to separate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

3.Defensiveness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

As we mentioned earlier, frequent criticism leads to contempt and contempt leads to defensiveness. A defensive stance can promote feelings of being under constant attack or hypersensitive, although this is not the case. A hypersensitive person can be hurt by any criticism, everything can hit them deeply, no matter how mildly said or done. An overly defensive person will see an attack where there is none, \u200beven open praise can lead to misunderstandings, which could be construed as criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4.Stonewalling<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

All couples have arguments and disagreements. \u200bStonewalling <\/a>can be described as refusing to engage in the disagreement or argument, to the degree where one partner ignores the feelings and actions of another partner. Another method of Stonewalling is to give vague answers that are not comprehensible, not answering questions, or answering questions with additional questions. This is the most destructive warning sign. It quietly but surely undermines the partner\u2019s self-confidence and then the stability of the relationship. The boundaries we set in our relationship with our partner are extremely important, even as they change and we re-evaluate them over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, ask yourself this question: have you \u200bset boundaries in your relationship\u200b, or do you build walls around yourself? Most people set boundaries only after tearing down the walls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listen to your partner, think before you act, and keep in mind that it takes two people to build stable walls. If you care about your partner, all difficulties can be easily overcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

In addition to the already mentioned dangerous patterns of behavior, the following should not be omitted:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5.Lack of vulnerability<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Intimacy is often considered to be exclusively physical intimacy: hugging, cuddling, kissing, and making love. But if there is no vulnerability, such as compassion, emotional understanding, and a sense of security in a relationship, physical intimacy is on borrowed time. We dream of being swept away in intimate connection, yet we are often too afraid to be vulnerable. This is not the way to get our intimacy needs to be met. Be authentically you. Share that with your partner and allow them to show up and create the loving connection of your dreams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6.Inability to see another point of view<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m sure this has happened to you before: you wanted to say one thing, but your partner interpreted it in a completely different way. \u200bIt is important to be aware of the differences in communication style and to recognize what is happening between you and your partner during the conversation, and what could be the reasons for the possible misunderstanding. When we become aware of our partner\u2019s communication style, space opens up for a clearer understanding of each other\u2019s needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One thing you can do to make it easier to understand your partner is to make a list of things you disagree on and work together to find a solution. Collaborate, exchange opinions, and listen to each other.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Two<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Healthy communication is the key to solving problems. \u200bIf there is an obstacle in communication, there are a variety of ways to solve it. \u200bIt is important to recognize when there is a problem, \u200bto react in a timely, fair, and constructive manner\u200b. With the help of a couple\u2019s therapist\u200b, you can improve your relationship and overcome the problem. So, before you make a final decision feel free to contact me \u200bfor a free consultation \u200bthrough my\u200b \u200bbooking form\u200b.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This has been the last part of the four-part series on relationships, vulnerability and authenticity. I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading!<\/h4>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the final part of a four-part series on relationships, vulnerability, and authenticity. People are often unaware of their actions and don\u2019t think about the consequences until it is too late. Seemingly harmless actions and arguments can seriously jeopardize your relationship. So, because you care about your relationship, you must \u200bkeep an eye out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"\nRelationship \u201cKillers\u201d and How to Spot Them Part 4 - Still Waters Counseling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/stillwaterscounsel.com\/es\/posts\/relationship-killers-and-how-to-spot-them-part-4\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"es_ES\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Relationship \u201cKillers\u201d and How to Spot Them Part 4 - Still Waters Counseling\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This is the final part of a four-part series on relationships, vulnerability, and authenticity. 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