This is part two of a four-part series on Authenticity in Relationships. Keep your eye out for some valuable lessons on how you can improve your relationship. You can read part 1 HERE.
Vulnerability. Many people recoil at the feeling of fear and discomfort. Is it because we don’t want to be seen as weak? Is it because we are afraid of being judged? Or is it because we live a life where we must build walls to hide our true feelings? This may surprise you, but this seemingly undesirable trait is an essential quality in successful relationships.
Relationships are not all sunshine and rainbows, there are also thunderstorms. People often idealize the relationships they find themselves in, imagining a union where rifts and disagreements are nonexistent when this is actually an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation to have for any relationship (romantic and unromantic). Misunderstandings between two people lead to friction in a relationship. Too many unresolved misunderstandings can lead to longstanding grudges and resentment. It is important to understand that all mistakes in relationships can be used as an opportunity to learn and improve your relationship. Being vulnerable and owning up to mistakes, as well as working on them can form a more functional and satisfying relationship with your partner.
What is vulnerability?
Although many people consider themselves honest and fair in relationships, the number of couples who are completely transparent about their thoughts and feelings with their partners are few and far between. In close and intimate relationships, emotional honesty involves revealing your worst flaws to a partner who, if accepting, should love you as you are.
Confessing romantic feelings, being honest, showing your weaknesses, or asking for help, are just a few examples of situations that require showing one’s vulnerability.
How to be more vulnerable in your relationship
Intimacy is based on trust and authenticity – the ability to be vulnerable or “revealed” to a partner, not only physically but also emotionally. Here are 5 methods on how to be more vulnerable with your partner:
1. Understanding
If you expect your partner to understand what you need, then you have to tell them clearly. This may also mean that you have to do some internal work to verbalize your values and what you want in your relationship. Lack of clarity and personal goals not only leads to stagnation, a routine life with minimal progress but also indicates deep internal blockages. It is rare for these people to be truly and deeply satisfied in their relationships. So ask yourself, what is it you need? Love? Financial security? Or something else? You can write a list of priorities, make a dream board, or express through art what you most desire.
2. Expectations
Humans are flawed. You know you aren’t perfect and neither is your partner. You can’t expect your partner to understand how you feel when you’re not able to talk to them about it. If you and your partner are meant for each other, you should be able to talk about everything without fear of judgment between each other. So don’t be afraid to share your deepest thoughts. Encourage your partner to do the same and listen intently with your whole heart.
3. Supporting
If you don’t understand or like what your partner is doing, ask them about it. Their process of doing a task may perplex you, this is completely normal. Having them verbalize their thought process and methods behind their actions may help you understand better. Even if you’re left puzzled by a certain way they perform a task, don’t forget where their heart is at. Be kind and supportive, even if you’re not on the same page sometimes. If you struggle with this, a marriage therapist can help you look at the situation from various angles and find a solution.
4. Listening
Be honest. Are you attentive when your partner is talking to you? Or do you find yourself staring at the phone or television, often needing your partner to repeat what they just said? Being distracted happens to all of us, but when we make a habit of it, we can miss out on what is happening right in front of us. Sometimes conversations can be very sensitive, and even overwhelming, depending on the nature of the conversation. It is important to recognize these topics and conversations with your partner and to listen. During these conversations, it’s equally important to pay attention to your own emotions and keep them in check. During heated discussions, it’s easy to fly off the handle and say things we did not mean to say. Controlling one’s emotions is not easy, but a lot can be achieved with the help of couple’s therapy.
5. Sharing
When you tell your dreams, achievement, fears, and worries to your partner you become more emotionally close to them. Share with your partner what was your day like, what made you feel happy, and what made you feel sad. Sometimes it’s the little things that make the bond strong, like sharing snacks or giving them a shoulder rub. Nurture them and don’t underestimate them. What may seem trivial to you may have made their day wonderful or caused it to be unfortunate (e.g. a coworker’s comment, a flat tire, etc.).
Most of us want to find a loving partner. However, in many cases, there is a fear of emotional attachment, which makes it difficult to establish a quality relationship. If you need advice on how to be more vulnerable with your partner, don’t hesitate to contact me for free consultations through my booking form.
Stay tuned for Part 3 – How to Communicate What You Want With the Power of Love Languages. Thank you for reading!
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