Conflicts happen. As the adage goes, “Why do we hurt the ones we love?” Well, considering how much we emotionally invest into our loved ones, it actually makes perfect sense.
The world itself is contentious, but with the snowball of events over the last several months, it feels like tensions are coming to a boiling point everywhere, and our relationships are not exempt from this.
Between politics, dissimilar health-related opinions, and general personality differences it can be tempting to cut off even the closest family members. Living with these family members can accelerate these tensions. Here’s what you should know about dealing with loved ones who you may not see eye to eye with.
The implications of writing off a loved one
While it may be tempting to cross off someone you care about, think carefully about the long term repercussions. How long have you had this relationship? If you’re related, how often do you have to see them? Breaking off a friendship and breaking off a family member have dramatically different consequences. Consider talking with a trusted friend or family member about the person you’re having communication issues with to gain another perspective. If you don’t have someone in your personal life you can trust, consider consulting with a therapist to listen and guide you through the process.
How to deal with differences of opinions
Pick your battles wisely – Is this more of an annoyance, rather than a matter of major differences? For example, does your spouse always seem to leave the toilet seat up? Instead of reacting aggressively off the bat, calmly tell them why it is a nuisance beyond superficial reason (you’ve fallen into the toilet before, the dog will drink the toilet water and get sick, etc.). Taking time to explain your frustrations in an objective manner so they can process why their action was detrimental not just to you, but the household in general.
Delve into the ‘why’ – If your family member has a completely different political viewpoint that’s puzzling to you, it may be worth asking them questions about it. Avoid using condescending tones or judgemental gestures such as eye rolling or excessive sighing. Listen intentionally and without interruption for at least five minutes. When there is a pause you can ask them further questions to probe them about their beliefs like who their sources are, and how they personally feel about the issue (independent from what others may think).
Limit your social media exposure – Social media tends to put up a veil of anonymity and people often share news before checking sources carefully. Clickbait headlines and propaganda pieces can exacerbate fear and arguments. Remember, just because someone shares a controversial piece of media, you do not have to put your energy into trying to reason with them. Oftentimes their minds are already made up and bombarding them with articles or statistics will not sway them to your beliefs. One tool you can utilize to deal with this on Facebook is the ‘unfollow’ button. The ‘unfollow’ feature on Facebook allows you to remain friends but gives you the power to hide their content unless you visit their profile. No one will know if you unfollow them on Facebook, which is an added plus.
When differences of opinion become dangerous
As unfortunate as it is, sometimes differences in opinion cannot be compromised. When a family member is endangering the mental, physical, or emotional health of others, the only option may be to physically remove yourself from the situation. Please remember to take care of your own mental health. Only you can make the best decision to maintain your physical and mental wellness for yourself.
Feeling alone in your household and need someone to talk to? Having a therapist listen to your concerns may help you cope with loneliness, improve your mood, decrease stress and help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings. Reaching out for help is a courageous thing to do and I’d be honored to guide you through counseling. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me here for a free consultation.
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