Unexpected ways you may be gaslighting yourself (and how to break free from the negativity)

What is gaslighting?

“Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories” (medicalnewstoday.com).

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Gaslighting can happen between individuals and can even be self-inflicted. When a person becomes gas-lighted they will often question themselves and their experiences. Victims of gaslighting will frequently downplay struggles, apologize profusely, and experience symptoms of anxiety.

How are you gaslighting yourself?

Recently I have been exploring how the voices of abusers are often programmed into our brains. Gaslighting yourself can come in many different forms. It can cause chronic damage to the self-esteem of the person experiencing it and in worst-case scenarios, lead to other issues like body dysmorphia or depression. Examples of self-gaslighting can look like this:

“I’m not good at anything”

“I can’t complain because others have it worse”

“Everything is my fault”

“I’ll never be successful”

“Maybe I’m crazy or maybe it’s all in my head”

Why do you gaslight yourself?

While not always the case, self-gaslighting can stem from past experiences of abuse. Most often, self-gaslighting is the result of being gaslit by someone else. Other causes of self-gaslighting can be attributed to digital self-harm, which can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Additionally, the effects of the pandemic have left thousands of people feeling isolated and alone.

How to break free from self-gaslighting

Once you’re caught in a circle of self-gaslighting it can feel difficult to break the cycle, but it is not impossible. Here are some ways you can emancipate yourself:

1.) Get to the root of your gaslighting

When you think a critical thought about yourself, you should ask your inner self, “Who told you that?” Have these thoughts been a result of a projection from those in the past? Maybe a family member or old employer? Regardless, it is imperative to remember that their opinions of you do not equal facts.

2.) Reframe your way of thinking

Think of the way you speak to yourself. Is that how you would talk to a friend or loved one? Probably not. Give yourself grace. You are human and make mistakes, just like everyone else. Perfection is not reality and while you should strive to do your best, recognize your limitations and knowledge gaps but do not use these shortcomings as ammunition to destroy your self-esteem. Self-gaslighting may have been a method of coping in the past, but rewiring your brain to validate yourself and experiences may help you come to terms with events that have happened so you can heal and move forward.

3.) Speak to a professional

Sometimes it may be too challenging to verbalize the root of your gaslighting or even the thoughts that preoccupy your mind. In these cases, talking to a therapist can be beneficial to help you process and learn from these experiences. 

Breaking free from the chains of self-gaslighting takes bravery and courage. If you need help taking a step in this direction, I’d be honored to help guide you. Contact me here for a free consultation. All your information will be confidential, as all our sessions, according to HIPAA-guidelines. 

P.S. If you’d like to join a positive mental health community, I have a free Facebook group geared towards Digital Nomads and Entrepreneurs. Have a great day!